In Constant Pursuit

I would have to say, one of the coolest things to happen in my life (and still is happening), and that fills me with so much gratitude, is being pursued by Michael. I also feel like this post is just a whole slew of things. I have a lot of things to say about this, but I tried to pull the reigns back---so bear with me! I will start by sharing how Michael began pursuing me, then transition into some thoughts and truths about being pursued.

First, I am a Christian who is constantly finding love in Jesus Christ and in the lives of others. Who has so many sins, but all are washed away (Isaiah 1:18) and I am a new living person because of Christ's gruesome death on the cross, His burial, and His resurrection (Mark 16:5-7, Luke 24:6-7). I cherish His Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16) that guides me through life, learning to serve others and love as Jesus loved.

I'm the total opposite of perfect, and the only way for me to live is through the cleansing of my Lord, asking the Lord to forgive me--daily! Otherwise, the only world I would live in would be a pile of my own sin and death. Thank goodness for the Lord's mercy, grace, and forgiveness!

Lamentations 3:22-23 in the Bible says that, "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your [the Lord's] faithfulness."

We don't deserve the Lord, but he gave His life for each person on Earth, just because of his love for us.

[Side Note: I am in the works of making a "Prayer Request," tab so if anybody has a prayer request, I would love to post them (or keep them private!), and pray for you and also put it on a forum for others to pray for you as well.]

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ANYWAY, I wanted to set the background for this post with Jesus as the main focus, because He is the main focus.

I was never the girl that wanted to date around. I knew that if I invested my heart into the love bank, it would get crushed over and over--so I just never dated. Plus, some part of me didn't even know how it worked, and I saw how messy and difficult everyone elses' relationships were and the emotional pain never seemed worth it.

I had two--somewhat bitter--personalities to dating/having a love life. My first one was,"When I am 24," I thought, "I will find someone, get married (didn't really think about a time frame, it would just 'work out'), and buy a house (didn't think about a job either?), and have a bunch of babies, and we would live our lives for Jesus. 

and my second one was more of the type of person who would settle for some mediocre guy who wasn't TOO bad looking, and had a good job, and liked me a lot. We would date--but I didn't think of the love aspect. I had a checklist, but I threw it out the window, because I thought the man God wanted in my life would somehow be different than my checklist--maybe I had too high of expectations. Little did I realize that the Lord loves me so much that He cares even whats on my heart, and my desire of finding a future someone who was attractive to me--who even had the eye color and dare I say--It's petty, I know--the bone structure, I find attractive. 

Let me start by saying that the Lord crushed ALL of my expectations I put on Him. I can't even emphasize how much the Lord cares for me, just typing this now gives me goosebumps (2 Corinthians 1:3-7). Why would the Lord of all the Earth care that I find my "true" love?

As I was investing myself in Gods word, the Lord was helping me realize what relationships He knew weren't good for me; and I was attempting to  listen to that voice and I feel like it helped guide me past a lot of relationship drama and strife. I'm not saying that my "love life" was always a clean slate, I had "bumps", that were actually really really difficult. However, those times were God paving the way for the man He was preparing for me in the future.

In Song of Solomon, the book of the Bible that shows how a man and woman love each other in marriage that honors the Lord, tells that the daughters of Jerusalem should not stir up or awaken love until it pleases (Song of Solomon 2:7). In a rough translation, this verse means knowing you are worth so much, enough for our Lord to die for you. So that "when love awakens," it is a relationship meant to be pursued. Making the commitment to wait to have sex until you are married. To not waver and think about other girls or guys while you're in that relationship. It is serious, and you need to respect yourself, and others and not "stir things up." And this is God's way of telling you He doesn't want to see you get hurt!

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It was probably August of 2015 that I cleared my mind of any type of relationship or future love interest and solely focused on God. I said, "Lord, take my love life, I'm handing it over to you, cause I just don't really care anymore." I just felt exhausted.

After graduating college and high school in May 2015, I started my first semester at Northern Kentucky University in August.  My second semester began in January 2016. It was this time that God opened my eyes to Michael, my current boyfriend (AKA the OG).

It's really funny thinking back to some of the first conversations I had with Michael, and even the first pictures I took of him. How I just wanted to say "hi" to him, walk past him at the Baptist Student Center* at NKU. Eventually, I was checking my school class schedule, and comparing it to his. I'd purposefully hang out at the BCM* in hopes that he would stop by just one more time. I remember the first time I fell head over heels for Michael was when him and our good friend Samuel were scraping ice off  of my car, and suddenly my back windshield literally popped off. As he was fixing it I think Samuel must've been helping me stand up due to my weak, frail knees...I remember the second time was when he made me homemade banana bread.** I think the internet would diagnose me as spontaneous, crazy, and sometimes obsessive. I've lost count how many times I've fallen head over heels ever since!

Somehow the Lord was telling me Michael was the guy, when you know--you know! I could sort of feel Michael reciprocating those feelings back to me, but I didn't want to come to conclusions. At any moment I was ready to force myself to stop liking him, I had guards up. Although, soon our friends would pretend to pair us up, and Michael wouldn't argue. I'd act calm--ACT CALM--but was freaking out on the inside. Michael has a wonderful big family, and his brother Josh played guitar and sang at Chick-Fil-A for a couple months. Michael invited a bunch of people from the BCM to go watch Josh perform, but I was the only one that went from the BCM. I remember feeling so insecure and scared! However, over time that was an event that helped me connect to, not only him, but his wonderful family! I took it day by day, and soon it was March and I was like~super~in love with him. 

We always talked and I also finally got his Snapchat (Ooh!), and I knew it was real by late March he asked for my phone number! Throughout all of this time, Michael and I never admitted that we liked each other (even though it was blatantly obvious). It was a Friday when I asked if Michael wanted to play pool at the BCM*. He said he was going to the Fine Arts Center to see his brother Ben's artwork being showcased. Then he asked, "You can come with me if you want!" and I yelled a little too enthusiastically, "UH...YES!!!"  I was in such good company, and looking at art! We continued to critique all of the art pieces, and admire ones that really stood out to us, and other ones that didn't. After that, Michael asked if I wanted to look at the fish at Lake Norse, cause, duh, fish are awesome. 

Looking at the picture above is crazy, because it felt just like yesterday! I remember everything I was thinking and wanted him to just tell me he liked me already! By that time, the Lord helped put patience in my heart and to be content with letting Michael lead if we were going to date. 

It's funny because the shadow that you see looming over this picture was actually a random man who kept talking to us about the different fish that were in the pond. That really tested my patience! Michael later said that this was the moment he finally wanted to tell me he liked me a lot, and wanted to pursue me. However, this man didn't help, and Michael didn't want to tell me with the man right by us! He didn't tell me he liked me until we were slowly walking back to the BCM*. As we were walking, Michael told me, in a nervous tone, that he liked me...A lot. I blushed too many times in like, one second, and told him my feelings were the same, and then Michael yelled, "SWEET." 

After that, he wanted to ask if he could pursue me. Pursuing me meant hanging out with each others' familys more, being more intentional about our time together, and then Michael asking my dad if he could officially date me--with the intent and goal of marriage. We spent so much time together, and on April 3rd, he came out to our family's house to ask my dad if he could start dating me. April 3rd was such a wonderful day! We had waited what felt like so so long to actually start dating! Then April 5th we went roller skating, and it was the first time we held hands. I remember thinking, "MAN, WE ARE MOVING FAST."***

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I don't really know how to describe going from literally no relationship basically ever, no real desire of an intimate friendship and relationship, to all of the sudden this close and personal relationship with a guy who loves Jesus and wants to continue earnestly pursuing me. It's beyond gratitude--to God and to Michael. 

Michael and I have been dating for nine months now, and each month--even each day--we have been growing with help from the Lord. There is genuine, practical, real love that I see and feel every time we are together. There is always mercy and forgiveness in the Lord, who forgives all sexual sins; but the lie that society feeds saying that couples must have sex to grow closer and more intimate with one another, or to take their relationship to the next level, is the farthest thing from the truth. 

And one thing Michael and I are learning is that there is never a time when being passive aggressive or arguing promotes positivity, respect, joy or love. Arguing, blaming, and being passive aggressive are selfish, self-centered acts that only degrade the other person. I'm not saying Michael and I have never done or said any of those things to each other--but we're learning! Emerson Eggerich wrote the book, Love & Respect, which talks about how much love the wife needs in a marriage, and how much respect a husband needs in a marriage! Even though that book is meant for married couples, I feel the same love and respect applies for couples who are serious about dating (and friendships too!). Michael knows he can't tell me he loves me enough---I always sincerely appreciate whenever he tells me he loves me---It is a blessing to consistently be affirmed (and also how very patient he is with me, his patience radiates his love for the Lord)! It makes me want to respect and serve him. Eggerich wrote in relation to arguing: "You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice," and in the relationship: "his love motivates her respect; her respect motivates his love." 

The Bible also says in Ephesians 5:33, "So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." When there is a constant flow of respect and affirmation, there is a constant flow of love and wanting to serve each other. These types of "fruits" only come from the help of the Holy Spirit in us to want to love our significant other like Jesus loves us. 

Ladies, to allow the man to lead you in the relationship, if you want a relationship full of Jesus, respect and love, you must be patient. If you want to be pursued, you need to be patient. This is a perfect opportunity to allow the Lord to fill you with patience, and to be content with whatever situation you are in. This doesn't mean to become limp and for the guy to drag you around like a rag doll--to pick out the most attractive guy in the room and wait for God to bring him to you on a golden pedestal. But rather to allow a willingness to be patient, giving God the control. In every way, it is patience to see what God has in store--to put that desire in the man's heart, for him to pursue you. One of my idols, Elisabeth Elliot writes this: "I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done." In other words: the guy you have been prying at the chance to date--may not be the one God has in store for you. 

No relationship is perfect, and I'm in no way saying that Michael and I's relationship is anywhere near perfect. If you or anybody see's "perfect," then what you are seeing is only from God. We are living for the Lord so He gets the credit and glory. Michael pursues me, we pursue each other, just as the Lord pursues the people He loves. 

As Elisabeth Elliot says, "Where does your security lie? Is God your refuge, your hiding place, your stronghold, your shepherd, your counselor, your friend, your redeemer, your savior, your guide? If He is, you don't need to search any further for security." 

If you guys have any questions about anything I've said, feel free to email me at: shorty9647@gmail.com , I would love to hear from you! Thanks guys --- Courtney

(Photo by Samuel Greenhill Photography) 

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*The Baptist Student Center is located on NKU's campus. Our friends all call it the BCM (originally known as the Baptist Collegiate Ministry). It's a hang out place where everyone can talk, do homework, eat, and gather to have fellowship and worship! It's not just for people who love and follow Jesus, but it's open for everyone. Michael and I are involved in that ministry.

**The third time I fell for Michael was when some friends planned to go to a swing dancing party together (Michael and I both love dancing), but he suddenly couldn't make it because of work. I was fine with it, but bummed out all the same. In the middle of the swing dance party I was sitting at a table with my sister, Brooke. and best friend Anna, and I see Michael walk in. He just walked in and was looking around. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that I literally slammed my phone on the table, screamed, "MICHAEL!!!" and RAN towards him (I actually sprinted), and hugged him so tight, I even almost cried! I asked, "Wha--what? Why are you here? I thought you had to work!" Michael replied, "Yeah, we weren't that busy so I quickly told the guys bye, and snuck out the back!" After that, we swing danced with each other and I was on top of the many heart-shaped clouds above us! 

***We didn't have our first kiss (both of our first kisses!!!!!!!!) until July! (;